Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
