since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize