I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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