I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
