Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
