my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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