You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
