so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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