You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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