i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
