I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
