I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
