Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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