After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
