It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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