so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
