the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
