our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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