i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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