I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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