i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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