So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
