I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
