isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
