Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize