Man, jail baloney is awful.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
