i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
