Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
