i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
