to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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