Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
