someone threw a dead crab at me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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