Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
