I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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