somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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