getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
