ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
