Will you blow on my dice?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
