Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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