i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize