Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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