ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She even gives head with a lisp.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
