I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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