Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
