so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
