ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
