I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Are we in a gay sports bar?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
