He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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