oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
