I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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