so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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