I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
