Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
