Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
