but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize