I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Watching her eat just hurts me
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
