so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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