I wanna bring you to show and tell
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
