If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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