I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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