i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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