dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
BRING THE BAGELS
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
