idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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