The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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