ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
