She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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