hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
