yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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