Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
