Just cropdusted the office
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
