Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
