I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize