i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
